I was sitting on my computer a couple weeks ago and for some reason I couldn't remember who was the main creator of a 1950's French magazine Cahiers du cinéma. Now as frivolous as this may sound, I felt overwhelmingly devestated. It was like at that moment everything I had loved and learned in school was forgotten and not real.
A lot of you may be unaware that I majored in Media Arts (Film) at BYU because I don't post about it on facebook, spend my weekends creating motion pictures, or verbally display a large broad knowledge of cinema. I'm a little embarrassed that dozens of my former colleagues are still creating artistic masterpieces, expanding their resumes, posting about the latest Final Cut Pro updates, and becoming seriously successful while I have nearly stepped completely out of my previous role as a film editor. I do not mean to compare or complain about my role as a mother, but just my chosen lack of employment. I have purposely and full-heartly decided to put that part of my life on hold, so why am I ashamed?
I learned a few things about myself in film school. I learned that while I do enjoy making movies (production), I felt my calling was in post-production. I love spending day and night in a dark room with at least two large screens and headphones. I felt like I was creating worlds, like Cobb and Mal in INCEPTION. I loved collaborating with creative minds and learning from my friends. I loved holding that finished product in my hand, something tangible and substantial.
Later, my favorite classes focused on film history (often taught by Darl Larsen). I was addicted to constantly exposing myself to films of other cultures and time periods, watching as many as 2 or 3 a day. That lifestyle was entirely uplifting, intellectually edifying, and spiritually enlightening for me. A word that I too often used in papers was "catharsis" as described by Aristotle in chapter 6 of Poetics. He describes drama as a supply of relief or purification from emotion, resulting in a feeling of fulfilled pleasure. That is film for me.
So now that I go on 2 years (coincidentally the age of my daughter...or not coincidentally!) of removing myself from this world, I sincerely yearn for it. I need discussion, and a collaborative passionate setting. And who better to center this around than my friends? Given a great opportunity, some friends and I helped form a monthly "Film Club". I have been so overwhelmingly excited about this! To many, it may just be a small gathering with food and fun, but it's something that I thirst for. We watched HE LOVES ME, HE LOVES ME NOT for the first showing, and I was definitely the only person smiling ear-to-ear. Everyone was a so caught up in the horrible details of this mind-twisted fake romantic comedy. It was absolutely delightful watching everyone feel the film!
I may not be have millions of hits on my YouTube channel, or watch my coworkers walk across the stage at the Academy Awards, but I'm happy. I have found a balance and have learned that I need to nurture my passions.